As a young kid I was fairly skinny. Then as a teen, hormones kicked in early and I started to put on weight.
I mean, I wasn’t fat (although at the time I felt I was) but when I hit size 14 in my late teens, I never saw before that again. Instead, I bounced between that and two sizes up and for many years before settling at size 16.
So over the years I’ve yoyo’d up and down and done every diet imaginable to try and lose weight. Every year, before my birthday, it hits me again. This year I’ll do it. I’ll be thin by my (insert every age from 22 to now) birthday. Every year, I fail.
The last time I got to that magical size 14 was when I got married in 2011. I loved how I looked and felt on my wedding day: not skinny at all, just “me”. After the wedding I quickly went back up to my usual size.
Two pregnancies and a dash of chemo later and by 2017, I was the biggest I’ve ever been. I weighed more post chemo that I had when I was nine months pregnant. And I had less hair to weigh me down. I had joked that chemo might be the enforced diet I needed – but it had the opposite effect. I had put on an extra 10kgs in the six months I was on chemo. I’d hoped it was the steroids and would disappear when I finished. It didn’t.
Absolutely No Body Confidence Whatsoever
When I looked in the mirror and saw the “new me” I felt utterly depressed about it. I was dealing with post-cancer mental health issues and to make that worse was a new body I hated. My shape completely changed, most of the weight was around my waist. I looked like an old, tired, pregnant woman.
Again I dieted, lost a little in the first couple of weeks, stalled and quit. I’ve done this over and over again for the past year or so actually. And I know having excess weight is bad for breast cancer – I mean, it can actually raise the possibility of a reoccurence for some women.
I’ve mentioned before too that I tried to move to a plant-based way of eating – predominantly for health reasons. My doctor had advised that animal products can also cause cancer. (PS everything can cause cancer apparently – e.g. chemo and radiation can cause cancer!!). I found cutting out dairy too difficult and instead was vegetarian for four months. Did I lose weight and feel better? No, I put on 4kgs.
Something had to change
I went to my doctor again and begged her to help me. I told her how desperate I was to lose weight and be healthier but how I was struggling to find a way of eating that worked for me and that I could stick to.
Side note: I’ve had my hormones tested a few times and I’m teetering on early menopause (thanks chemo) so she put my struggle to lose weight down to that. Basically, it was middle aged spread. Nice.
When I turned 39 last year, again my thoughts turned to wanting to lose weight. This time, before my 40th birthday. I want to be stronger, slimmer and healthier this year.
I joined a gym and, despite being the weakest link in the class, it was a great start. I also started to research a different way of eating. I mean, spending hours reading case studies, scientific studies, watching YouTube videos, reading blog posts and more.
Then, in January I decided it was time. Time to change how I ate. I’m going to share more about the new way I’m eating soon because it’s probably a bit long-winded to do it in this post.
But it’s working!
I’ve lost 7.7kgs in six weeks. I still have a LONG way to go. My first goal is to be the weight I was when I first arrived in Australia ten years ago. It’s going to take months and months to get there but I finally feel confident that it’s achievable again, despite my issues with hormone imbalances.
I know the weight loss will slow down over time and I can’t keep expecting big numbers but I’m so happy to finally be getting somewhere.
My body confidence is slowing coming back too and I’ve even posted a few (very awkward) images on instagram! I didn’t think I’d ever have the courage to do that but the weight loss has helped me feel much more confident.
People are starting to notice that I’ve lost a little bit of weight too and between the compliments and the numbers on the scale, I feel like reaching my goal before my 40th birthday is actually going to happen.
Like I said I have a loooong way to go – and it’s still early days in following this new way of eating. So far, I’m not tempted to go back to my old ways – in fact I don’t feel deprived at all. I feel good!
One thing that really inspires me is hearing about other people’s weight loss journeys – I could read those all day.
If you’ve lost a significant amount of weight, please let me know!