As I’m sat here thinking about my goals for 2020, you know what’s been easier to think of – the things I’m ditching.
Isn’t it funny how when we think of the things we want, what springs to mind the quickest are the things we do not want.
There are things, people and ways of being that just no longer serve me. They don’t spark joy and in fact, they spark all the negative emotions that were weighing me down this year.
Maybe you’ll share some of these new year intentions with me – let me know?
7 things I’m giving up in 2020
One of my coaches, Jim Fortin, says that “70% perfection is success and 100% perfection is failure”.
Oh. how. true.
For years, I actually prided myself on being a ‘perfectionist’ and it was so important for me to not put anything out into the world unless it was the very best it could be. Anything from work, to words to a hairstyle!
You know what the result was?
Either I spent too long procrastinating that the moment passed, or it was an anti-climax or no-one even cared enough anyway and wouldn’t have noticed the difference between 70% OR 100% perfection.
So many hours, days and years spent refining and perfecting things when I could have just been getting on with things, putting myself out there, DOing things and BEing the person I wanted to be.
So, move aside perfectionism, you’re not invited to my 2020.
If you notice a typo, or my make-up isn’t right, or I forget something, just know that I’m doing my best. That’s enough. I recommend this for you too.
The biggest emotion that has held me back since 2015 is that cancer would return to my body.
I would term it my cancer. E.g. “I don’t want my cancer to come back”.
What I didn’t realise at the time is that I was focusing so much on what I didn’t want to return, that I was letting that fear grow and develop into an all-consuming weight around my neck.
It pulled me down, back and clouded every thought of every day. It resulted in anxiety and, I suspect, depression at times.
I’ve been proactively working on eradicating this and I’ve succeeded.
I am no longer fearful because I know I am healed. My body is well and healthy and my mind is too.
There’s been more to it than simply waking up one day and changing – and it’s a little difficult for me to articulate in just this post but please reach out with any questions and I will write more on how I changed this. I also have many books to share with you that helped. Jim has been the biggest impact on this change for me and I’m eternally grateful to him.
Essentially, I am being the person I want to be – a healthy, strong woman. I’m just being like that.
3. Fad diets
Let’s stick with the health theme for a bit longer.
Another thing I’m leaving behind me is dieting – but more the mental state I have put myself in when I’ve changed the way I eat in the past.
I think there is a place for many different ways of eating – what works or not is all relative to the individual person.
But for me – those feelings of restriction, deprivation and guilt are unhealthy for my mind as well as my body.
I changed my ‘diet’ in 2019 to a vegan way of eating – it suits me perfectly. I do not count calories, I eat what I want when I want, I enjoy every mouthful of food.
I’m still working on my relationship with food, but diets are no longer a part of me.
4. The scale
Ok, let’s continue with the food theme now. As mentioned, I eat a vegan diet. (I’ll just use ‘diet’ or ‘way of eating’ – not a diet diet!).
When it comes to my weight and body shape, that’s a different story.
Do I want to lose weight? Yes.
Am I losing weight now? I have no idea, I don’t weigh myself.
I’m eating well, and I’m choosing for now to focus on loving the body I already have and imagining the body I would like.
In my world now, there is no place for the scale.
More on that in this post:
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A month ago I decided it was time to ditch the scale. Seriously, that little b*tch sat in the corner of my bathroom for years and made me feel like crap every time I saw it, let alone stepped on it. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I mean, I take full responsibility for my own health, wellbeing and weight. But it wasn't the number on the screen that upset me – it was what I attached to that number. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 😍 Low number: I'm amazing! 😭 High number: I'm a loser. 😖 No change: what's wrong with me, I'm working so hard, all of this is for nothing, where's the chocolate? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Constantly up and down emotions that just led to me feeling like rubbish, hating on myself and holding on to the weight I so badly wanted to lose. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ So, I ditched them – well, technically, I put them on top of my wardrobe and I won't be bringing them back down any time soon. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 🚶🏽♀️ Also 31 days ago, I started walking for 30 minutes every day. It's my 'me-time'. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 🎧 I throw on a podcast and pace round my estate – and I'm gradually pushing myself more and more each time. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 😍 How do I feel for walking every day? AMAZING! I feel like an athlete compared to how I was before! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⚖️ And what about my weight? Who the hell knows, I don't weigh myself! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 👙 BUT, do my clothes feel looser? Well, no – they do not ha ha! But I expect they will in time, the more I progress. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Who cares anyway – because I love myself more for being more active and I also loathe myself less since I stopped telling myself crappy stories about what my weight meant to me. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Yes – for sure, I want to lose weight – but there has to be a better and more positive way to get to my goal without talking such trash to myself every morning. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 👣 Baby steps :) ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #walking #dailyexercise #weightloss #weightlossideas #ditchthescale #dailywalk #walkingforfitness #walkingforweightloss #walkingforhealth #busymumbalancedlife
At some point, in the future, I might step on the scale again. But I will no longer put myself through the misery and rollercoaster of emotions of weighing myself every day. F that S.
5. Negative stories
Something else I’ve been working hard on eradicating is the negative stories I’ve spent years telling myself. You might have spotted that theme in the points above.
If something didn’t call me back quickly, I’d imagine it’s because I’d offended them and they were avoiding me.
Lumps and bumps were a ‘tell-tale’ sign of cancer, not just a normal change in my body.
If an Instagram post didn’t get many Likes, it was because people were judging me and hating my pictures or words.
I would never been good at exercise because…I’ve never been good at exercise.
I’ll never lose weight because diets never work for me.
Do any of these examples resonate with you?
They are all stories. Stories that I’ve made up in my head and do nothing except torture me and lead to emotional upset. They kept me trapped in the past or in a made-up version of my life.
Enough of that – and yes, it’s a habit that’s a work in progress in breaking. But I’m doing it every day – every time I notice a negative story popping up, I move my attention to something else.
Or, I’ll use my over-active imagination to conjure up a more positive story instead!
Do this with me – I really recommend it!
Ooh, this was hard one to let go of but once I did, it was LIBERATING. Again, it’s something my coaches have been working with me on.
For years, praise, permission and validation were highly important to me. I used to call it getting a ‘pat on the head’.
I needed to hear “well done!” a lot – especially at work. It was the validation I needed to know 100% that the work I had created was respected and valued.
Of course, this meant that when I didn’t get the head pat, I felt sad and resentful. Resent that built up over time to unnecessary levels of negativity and stress.
I worked with my coach to recognise this and to obliterate it – instantly!
I was challenged to come up with a more positive mantra and I’ll share it with you now:
I take pride in doing a great job and delivering excellent work for my clients.
The only validation I need is from myself in knowing that I delivered what I said I would and then I move on.
For me, it sums up well that I only need to be proud of doing the job I said I would do and then moving on regardless of whether I’m praised or not.
Like I said – it’s liberating! It also not only relates to work situations but to other relationships I have too.
Of course, when people give praise or positive feedback, I love it – I think most of us do. I just don’t need it or rely on it anymore.
Detaching myself from praise simplifies my life. I only need to spend my time (and headspace) on what I say I’m going to do. I can let go of whatever may, or may not, come afterward.
7. Bad Habits
I’ll end on this big one – habits. Particularly the ones I see as not serving me.
Alcohol consumption was one – it became a habit that took way too much control and power over my life and becoming sober in 2019 was the biggest and best decision of my year.
My life has transformed since then – and I create much of the transformation in the points above to being possible because of becoming alcohol-free.
Over the past 11 months, I’ve released the alcohol habit and the anxiety, guilt and shame that came with it.
I can now focus on the good things I want and need in my life, without the dark cloud hanging over my head.
It led me to write a book! (YOU CAN BUY MY BOOK HERE)
There are habits I’m working on stopping – and some I’m starting too. I’ll share more on the latter soon.
So they are the seven things I’m leaving in 2019. I cannot wait to see what 2020 brings!
Do you have any goals for 2020? I would love for you leave a comment or send me a message with your intentions.