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I’m So Done Having Babies

This morning I read a beautiful post by Chantelle at Fat Mum Slim on how she feels about having more babies. That burning question shared by so many mums. How do you know when you’re done having babies?

For me, I could not be clearer. I am done. No more for me. I’ll tell you why.

Why I Won’t Have Another Baby

First of all though, like Chantelle, I hope to talk about this as sensitively as possible. I have two children and despite feeling like it would never happen at the time, I was very lucky to conceive quickly.

There are two explanations as to why I am done having babies. One very short, the other not so much.

I’ll start with the short one – I only ever wanted two children. I got two children. Job done. Or was it?

I'm so done having babies - Love from Mim

I knew that going in to my second pregnancy, it would be my last. I ate enough cake to make it feel worthwhile (big bloody mistake, still trying to shift those kilos).

When I almost got the labour and birth I wanted, it was another pregnancy thing I could check off my list.

Two months in, sleep deprivation solidified for me that I was done. I questioned how friends chose to have more babies. Women Women. And they are – because I just don’t know how they do it. A baby and a toddler is exhausting, isn’t it!

At the same time though, I had always wondered what it must be like to have a large family. I used to watch Brothers and Sisters and despite their dramatic, fictional issues, I would have pangs of envy. How wonderful for kids to always have someone to play with, to talk to, to have their back. You know, as well as the scraps and increased noise levels.

When Mini hit 6 months old, I returned to work part-time and he started at daycare with his big sister. After a rocky few days for my poor emotions (he was totally fine), I quickly got into being back at work. Working is something I love to do, having my own career is important to me.

Things changed

Two weeks later, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Twenty months on from that, with a lumpectomy, chemo and radiation under my belt, the chances of me conceiving now are slim to none. I’m lucky to have a period these days (winning!).

The guilt I felt when I was diagnosed, looking at my two babies, was excruciating. I felt so guilty to have brought them into a world that I might not be in to share with them. I looked at my daughter and questioned – what if my cancer would be passed on to her genetically? To either of them. (I later found out that I thankfully do not carry those genes).

Now I am done having more kids for very different reasons. I probably couldn’t if I wanted to but I’ll never know if I really did end up wanted more. I’ll never know what it feels like to wake up one day and wonder if I am really done.

And I’m fine with that – it makes my life simpler. That’s what I want these days. Mr M agrees. My heart breaks for parents who want more and cannot, for whatever reason. It breaks. It isn’t fair.

I have all I need

I look at my beautiful babies and I’m thankful to have them and to be here for them.

I’m a believer in fate, in everything happening for a reason. For me, my life is supposed to be this way and I accept that now.

What about you? Are you done having more babies or would you have more if you could?

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11 Comments

  1. Kai
    / 8:00 am

    I have two kids, and am well and truly done having kids. My husband only ever wanted two, and we were lucky enough to have a boy and a girl like he wanted. Pregnancy was so hard on me, especially my last one – I knew about halfway through that I never wanted to do this again. Ever. As I was having an elective C-section, I got my tubes removed at the same time. And I’ve never regretted it – Little Miss is nearly 18 months old, and the thought of never going through the baby stage again is such a relief. My friends can have all the babies now.

    • Mim
      Author
      / 3:26 pm

      I feel the same as you – we can cuddle the others and be happy with the lovely little families we have :) x

  2. Perla
    / 2:54 pm

    I feel like after baby #2 my baby making factory will be close for good. I have suffer a lot from my first pregnancy that I think with 2 babies I’m okay.

    • Mim
      Author
      / 9:11 am

      And we’re very lucky to have the ones we have, aren’t we :) x

  3. Kylie T
    / 7:01 am

    I am unsure what’s to come but I am enjoying life with the cards I was dealt and have hope for the future. Thanks for sharing your journey with us.

    • Mim
      Author
      / 10:32 am

      Thank you Kylie and you’re right to :) x

  4. Chantelle
    / 6:11 am

    I love this beautiful sense of calm about how you got here and the cards you’ve been dealt, and also the gratefulness you have for it all.

    It’s very inspiring Mim. xx

    • Mim
      Author
      / 7:29 am

      Thank you lovely x I do feel very lucky and it could have been a very different outcome in many ways x

  5. Anna Prasad
    / 2:14 pm

    Oh what a timely read your beautiful piece is for me. I am smack bang in the undecided camp. I have two wonderful boys (6 and 2). I always wanted 4 children, but had 4 miscarriages between my two boys. I also moved to Australia from England last August (wow almost a year here in Oz), and I just couldn’t imagine having a baby here. I was very fortunate that after a horrendous first birth, failed induction, 48 hrs of labour, ending in an emergency cesarean I was able to have my second baby at home in the pool in 4 1/2 hrs. I just cannot imagine having such a ‘perfect’ experience again. But deep down there is still a longing…..

    • Mim
      Author
      / 2:17 pm

      Oh I’m so so happy you had such an amazing birth experience! I had my first in Aus and my second in the UK and going solely off my experience, I loved the system over here. I felt so supported in every choice I made and very empowered by my lovely midwives too :) Thank you lovely x

      • Mim
        Author
        / 2:18 pm

        PS when you do reach your decision, I wish you all the best luck in the world! x

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I acknowledge the Traditional Custodians of the land I work and live on, the Awabakal peoples, and pay my respects to Elders past and present.
I thank them wholeheartedly and express my love and gratitude for the privilege to live and work in such a beautiful part of the world and for the opportunity for my family to be part of this vibrant and supportive community.