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I’m not the Mum I used to be

I’m not the Mum I used to be

At the time of writing this post, I’ve been a mother for 2 years and 7 months.  Which feels like forever really but it’s only 7% of my total life.

I have two children – a 2.5 year old daughter and a 6 month old son.

I’ve wanted to be a Mum all of my life, I suppose you could call it my life’s goal, the only thing I really wanted to achieve and I feel so lucky to have been able to do it.

I wasn’t the biggest fan of pregnancy but I had two wonderful births (thank you, hypnobirthing) and I feel there is finally a place for my natural maternal instinct to meet its calling.

I'm Not the Mum I Used to Be - Parenting Motherhood Changing as a Mother
Image Source: Pixabay

My first child was born 3 weeks early and I still wonder whether that was a bad thing, leaving me to feel unprepared and anxious or whether it was better to not have those additional weeks to spend frantically consulting Dr Google with potential early labour symptoms.

My daughter had decided to make a break for freedom early and her independence has only grown stronger ever since.  She’s loving and funny and runs out ahead of us, diving headfirst into life and already becoming a strong-minded, sassy and beautiful little person.

After her birth the ‘new me’ began to emerge.  Gone were the late nights, dancing on tables and having no-one (except the husband) to be accountable to.  Gone was the silence and the freedom to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.  Or to just do nothing.  For hours.  If I wanted to, I didn’t have to do anything.  Before kids.

In it’s place were sloppy baby kisses, coos and gurgles and cosy cuddles.  Sometimes many times in the middle of the night if I was very lucky.

I found the newborn months quite difficult but as they passed I grew so much in confidence.  I’ve always been sure of myself but I became even more assertive than ever.  So focused on what I wanted, what I needed to do and how to raise my baby to the best of my ability.

I also developed a zero tolerance policy for idiots, time-wasters and bull-shitters.  I have an inbuilt sensor that can spot them a mile off.  I also have a stony glare to send them on their way if necessary.

My daughter slept through the night from a very early age and has never been a fussy eater.  In fact she would eat anything put in front of her.  She first went to daycare at 6 months old and has never cried once about going.

Her independence helped me to be strong and I didn’t cry at the daycare gate when I dropped her off for the very first time.  I had my sad moments for the first few weeks, wondering if she was ok but seeing her happy face when I picked her up and sometimes the struggle we had to get her to leave showed us that she couldn’t have been happier.

I was working part-time and had lots of time to spend with her, bonding and enjoying her achieve every little milestone.

With my confidence at an all-time high I continued on with my motherhood mission and we decided to have a second baby.

Mother Nature played a cruel trick second time around by letting me go overdue with the risk of a potential induction.  Did I mention I didn’t really like pregnancy?  Well an overdue pregnancy isn’t the best fun.  I was so grateful though for the chance to have another one.

Sure enough, along came baby #2, just before the induction date, and to our great surprise he was a boy!  Unlike his big sister, this little man would have gladly stayed indoors forever and was on the verge of being coaxed out at the big event before finally showing his (very cute) face.

I knew what I was doing this time.  I had breastfeeding sussed.  And sleeping.  In fact I knew everything there was to know about how to get a baby to sleep through the night.

Second time around, pregnancy had been easier for me because I knew what to expect.  So therefore, despite being a bit busier, being a Mum would be easier too.  Wouldn’t it?  Because I know what I’m doing.

Apparently not.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still confident and my maternal instinct is still to be trusted implicitly but what I had not bargained for was how my second baby might be different.  Different in such a way that even just after 6 short months, I’m already a very different mother to the one I was before he was born.

My son is much clingier than my daughter ever was.  He loves to cuddle, he’ll sit on my lap for hours and be content just watching me smiling back at him.

Sometimes he loves to cuddle at 1am.  And 3am.  And sometimes at 5.00am too.  He LOVES to cuddle.

This week both children started at a new daycare centre.

We dropped them off into their respective rooms and came back home where I had a lengthy To Do waiting for me.  I was going to keep as busy and productive with work as possible so that their first day would go quickly.

I came home, sat on the sofa and cried.  And cried.  I cried on and off all day until in the end my husband went to collect them to bring them home early.

What happened to the mum who had it all together?  Who was in control of her emotions and who ultimately had a plan of how motherhood was going to work out?

I almost felt annoyed at myself for not keeping it together.  Because of course in the past I’d judged the ‘needy’ mums who couldn’t be parted with their children.

I’ve been thinking about how different I am now to when I had just one baby.  I’m still confident, strong and decisive and don’t have the anxieties that I did as a first time mum.  I do know what I’m doing and I’m confident to say so.

I’m also so much more emotional though.  If I see a poorly child on TV, read a sad news story or hear about something awful that might have happened to a friend I’ll be in floods of tears.  I’m no emotional wreck but I am moved emotionally by things that would have never affected me before.

My two babies are already so different and I’ve adapted to each of their needs to, I hope, become a better Mum than I was before.  I’m not the Mum I used to be because that isn’t enough now.

Not only do I need to learn how to be a different Mum but I need to learn how to forgive myself for being different too.  It doesn’t mean that I’m not as strong as I was before.

Daycare day 2 went much better.  Just one small tearful outburst in the morning.  From me, not them.

In 2 years and 7 months, motherhood has turned my life upside down and set me on a brand new course.  Adding another child to the family has enhanced it even more so and shown me that as long as I’m open to growing and changing, my life with never be the same again.  It will certainly never be boring.

I’m not the Mum I used to be.  I’m not even the person I used to be.  I just hope that I can continue to grow and keep striving to be a better Mum because I’ll only have this one chance.

How many of you got out the calculator to work out my age? :)

I'm Not the Mum I Used to Be - Parenting Motherhood Changing as a Mother
Image Source: Pixabay

Linked to A Moment with Franca, Run Jump Scrap and Motherhood the Real Deal



  1. The Reading Residence
    / 7:05 pm

    My two kids are very different, too. My second, my son, is definitely a cuddler and a mummy’s boy, whereas my daughter is quite independent and sociable. Funny how they can be so different, which does then change us.

    • / 11:27 pm

      That’s exactly the same as mine! :)

  2. lu @ looking for mama me
    / 10:34 pm

    I only have one so far, but I’m not sure I’ll completely have it sussed when we have a second…. although I’ll definitely stress a little less and parent how I want a little more! I know from my own siblings that kids are all totally different! You wouldn’t even know we were from the same family we are all so different. Lovely post :)

    • / 1:15 pm

      Ooh yes, I am so much less anxious this time around! x

  3. Caitlin
    / 10:13 pm

    Well, I didn’t get a calculator out – I missed the hint completely, but I’m a bit like that…

    I love this. Every child is different and every child requires something different from us, and it makes us react differently. My first child was difficult. But there were a few things that he did well. Along comes number 2 who makes sure I don’t feel smug about that. And 3,4 and 5, well they came all at once, so I’ve never had reason to brag during this motherhood gig. It’s all about survival for me a lot of the time!!!

    • / 1:14 pm

      Ha ha I’m nearly 37 argh! x

  4. Christine @ Adventure, Baby!
    / 6:27 pm

    Being a mum has made me so much more emotional too. I love the honesty in your post :)

    • / 10:25 am

      Thank you :) ah I cry at the drop of a hat now :)

  5. Lisa | The Notorious MUM
    / 10:56 am

    Lovely – and very relatable – post. Thanks for being so honest!

  6. Rachel
    / 8:05 am

    I only have one little person but I do wonder how I will change when I have number 2. Lovely honest post #bestandworst xx

  7. Robyn
    / 7:39 pm

    This is a lovely post, and food for thought for me as we consider adding number two to our family. I hadn’t really considered that a second baby might have a totally different nature to the first and might (will) completely change the family dynamic we’ve settled into over the past 12 months. #coolmumclub

    • / 1:11 pm

      Thanks so much Robyn! x

  8. Becky at PinksCharming
    / 8:43 am

    Ah this is ringing a lot of bells to me! My first was (and still is) a brilliant sleeper, but my second….um well let’s just say she’s two and a half and I still end up in her room at least twice a night! But she’s a great eater, which my first was not. On the whole, I think I’d prefer to get more sleep though! But my number two is a real cuddle monster too, and insists on being carried a lot, just so she can sneak in some extra cuddles. It’s astonishing how different they can be, yet so similar in some ways. What a learning curve hey? Becky x #KCACOLS

    • / 1:11 pm

      I want more sleep too ha ha! x

  9. This Mum's Life
    / 6:44 am

    What a wonderful post. And I resonated with so much of it too!! I also hated being pregnant, I tried to get into it, but couldn’t find much to like at all! I went overdue both times, 7 days, then 11 days, and my husband now reports that he was terrified of me in those overdue days! I too have cut all people from my life who I feel don’t have mine, or my childrens best interests at heart. This has been painful, but I only want to surround myself with people who have our backs!! I had the clingy child the first time around though, so it was quite a pleasant surprise to not have so much of that the second time! Being a mum has been the biggest, hardest learning curve, and I found your take on this really touching and honest.

    • / 1:10 pm

      Thank you so much! Ah 11 days overdue – that is NOT fun! x

  10. mummuddlingthrough
    / 6:36 am

    Hiya, This is the first time I’ve read your blog and I’m already hooked. How you have described baby number two, and how you and your life has changed is as though you are talking about me on this screen. Baby G doesn’t like sleep, or milk, but loves cuddles and is a tiny little treasure. I have gone from career woman to stay at home Mum – barely recognisable to my former self. Thank you for sharing this fab post with #coolmumclub. I’ll deffo be back… x MMT

    • / 1:09 pm

      Thank you so much lovely! x

  11. Mrs Tubbs
    / 12:57 am

    Motherhood scrapes all those surface layers away and makes you confront the person you truly are. And you sound okay to me :) (Gosh, I hope that’s encouraging, it was meant to be!)

    • / 1:07 pm

      You’re completely right there! Thank you :) x

  12. Mama, My Kid Doesn't Poop Rainbows
    / 10:46 pm

    Your kids sound exactly like my brother and I. I couldn’t wait to get more and more independence and my wee bro was a sook until his teen years. It’s funny how different siblings can be, isn’t it? Nature’s way of keeping us on our toes when we think we’ve got it sussed.

    Thanks so much for linking up to #bestandworst xxx

    • / 1:06 pm

      You’re completely right about them keeping us on our toes! x

  13. Complicated Gorgeousness
    / 8:48 pm

    So true. I think we are all just feeling our way in the dark and stumbling a lot. I think you do feel and do things differently with each child. I think they don’t much care as long as you are just their mum. That’s all they need. Lovely post x #coolmumclub

  14. Gemma @ Confessions of a Nagging Mother
    / 8:35 pm

    I think we all change as people when we become parents and we constantly change throughout parenthood. Embrace who you are :) Thank you for sharing a honest side of your experience as a mother :)


    Gemma xx

    • / 1:05 pm

      Thank you so much Gemma! x

  15. / 6:48 pm

    I can relate to this – I went through a similar humbling experience. I guess parenting not only teaches you about how to raise kids, it also teaches you about yourself, if you care to learn. The best of luck for you, there are more challenges coming!
    Greetings from Finland, from a mom of an 11-year-old and a 9-year-old.

    • / 1:04 pm

      Thank you so much Ana! x

  16. New Mummy Blog
    / 8:41 am

    What a touching post, so heartfelt. I only have one daughter, she’s more like yours, strong, independent, happy to go to anyone, smiling and shouting across the room at strangers. I love her to pieces, I love everything about her, but I would love it if she sat on my lap, and sat giving cuddles like you mention your son does. I think you’ve adapted amazingly, babies are all different and it must be such a hurdle figuring it all out while juggling an older child too. #kcacols

    • / 1:04 pm

      Oh thank you so so much! x

  17. becca farrelly
    / 5:34 am

    A lovely honest post. I have had similar experiences to when you had your first child and expect that the experience of having my daughter will mean that when we come to have another one in the next couple of years I will be a completely different parent myself. I was aware of just how different life would be and how different I would feel once Mia came along and your post has shown me that iam not alone. A great post and important for a lot of mummies :)


    • / 1:03 pm

      Thank you Becca! x

  18. veronica lee
    / 11:13 pm

    I have 2 boys and they are as different as day and night! I realized too that what works with one child doesn’t necessarily work with the other. Motherhood is so challenging!


    • / 1:03 pm

      Yes you’re completely right, it is challenging! x

  19. Maria @ Suburban Mum
    / 8:12 am

    Oh Mim – what a beautiful post! I also became a different mum second time round. I think its inevitable because we have learned from our first borns and so we evolve and adapt. My second is also ALOT clingier than my eldest and up until around 6 months ago he did not like to be away from me at all which was really trying. I hope you have gotten into your new routine of going back to work and daycare. xx #KCACOLS

    • / 1:02 pm

      Thanks so much lovely! All going well now :) x

  20. Morgan Prince
    / 1:33 am

    It is truly amazing how much we have to change after baby 1 and then baby 2. My two boys are vastly different, much like your babies. My first born was very independent, but an indoorsy type, and my second born is very clingy (also independent) and loves to be outdoors. He’s *such* a boy! ;)
    Really loved this post hun, we all go through changes and I think we all need to realise that it’s a good thing. We change for the better and we should embrace it.

    • / 1:02 pm

      Thank you so much! x

  21. / 9:29 pm

    My daughter sounds so similar to yours – very independent and headstrong – and she’s only 10 months! She’s not a cuddler at all (she just wants to escape!) and will happily be passed from stranger to stranger without really looking for me! I think it is so easy for mums to judge each other based on what our own experiences have been with our own children, but as you’ve found out (and I’m sure we all do with our second), every child is different. With every child there’s a new personality and it really isn’t (entirely) up to the parents whether they’re a baby who sleeps well, eats well, plays well etc – it’s up to them! And as you say, it changes us as parents. I would love to have a second baby one day – I will definitely keep your post in mind! xx #KCACOLS

    • / 1:01 pm

      Ha ha my daughter gives 2 second cuddles and then escapes too! x

  22. Arthurwears
    / 9:19 pm

    I think baby boys are definitely much more needy (in general) that little girls – I did a lot of research in the past as part of my teaching into the difference between boys and girls and different stages and their different needs and I certainly notice this with my own son compared to my friends sons and daughters – of course, every child is different, and it doesn’t apply to everyone, but it didn’t surprise me to read that your son likes to wake up for cuddles!

    At 9 months old Arthur has never slept through the night and I have come to realise that far from being anything I have done wrong as a mother, this is just him and how he is and I have to adapt to that. In that respect I am also a totally different mother to 9 months ago because I realise now that all the things I said I wouldn’t do are actually totally ok! X#KCACOLS

    • / 1:00 pm

      I think you’re absolutely right about baby boys being different – making the most of the cuddles for now :) x

  23. Kyles @ Pickles and Pords
    / 2:36 pm

    This is a really beautiful post. After my second I became a different type of mum than I was with just one as well. Some things stayed the same though. The overwhelming, all-consuming love carried over. Sounds like it was the same for you! Tears are just the love over-flowing from the big, big love inside. Sometimes they’re going to happen – be easy on yourself!

    • / 12:59 pm

      Thank you so much and you’re completely right :) x

  24. Claire at Tin Box Traveller
    / 7:59 am

    It is amazing how different two babies can be, isn’t it?! Tin Box Baby is very chilled out, cuddly and smiley compared to her older sister at the same age. I remember not being able to hand her over to anyone without her bawling her eyes out but I think TBB would beam at whoever was holding her. Don’t underestimate the emotional impact of the huge move you’ve just done as well. That’s bound to mess with your tear ducts as well as having two kiddies to drop off at day care. I hope all is going well and you’re settling back into the Aussie lifestyle x #KCACOLS

    • / 12:59 pm

      Oh thank you lovely and you’re completely right, the move has definitely knocked me sideways too :) But all going well! x

  25. Rachel (Lifeofmyfamilyandme)
    / 6:54 am

    I have 2 girls who are completely different – both independent but my youngest is a bit more needy and loves a cuddle. Life would certainly be boring if all our children had the same personalities! #KCACOSL

    • / 12:57 pm

      Yes that’s very true, they’re all unique! x

  26. Julie Downes
    / 6:23 am

    Great post. Both mine have been/are clingy though starting from different ages. Daughter is less so now but my little boy is very clingy at the moment but I sort of love all the snuggles! I definitely agree about it changing you, so worth it though for all the smiles and laughter! #KCACOLS

    • / 12:57 pm

      I love the snuggles too :) x

  27. Laura @ Dot Makes 4
    / 5:22 am

    I can really relate to this post. I have changed so much since having Dot.
    When I had Mikey, I went back to work and although I worried, it wasn’t too bad and I just got on with things. This time around since having Dot, I easily cry and worry about anything and everything!

    I think motherhood is a constantly evolving experience!

    Laura xx


    • / 12:56 pm

      You’re absolutely right – it is constantly changing! x

  28. Cheryl @ ReimerandRuby
    / 5:08 am

    I have two kids too and having the second child added more challenges to my motherhood journey. It’s not always good, there’s also bad times along the way, but as long as we’re all thrown with so much cuddles and cute smiles from our little ones, everything seems alright. Lovely post! Thanks for sharing! #KCACOLS.

    • / 12:56 pm

      That’s very true, the cuddles solve a lot :) x

  29. / 4:42 am

    I love how honest this is. I am certainly not the person I was nor the mother I thought I would be. I think I am a much better person now and also a better mother than I thought I would have been. Change is always challenging but I think it can make you a better person for it.


    • / 12:55 pm

      Oh thank you Azaria and you’re right :) x

  30. Jenny
    / 4:37 am

    Hi, it’s true we evolve as mums with each child and their different needs. My last child is the most clingy (maybe it’s boys?) and I get upset leaving him because I know how much he relies on me whereas the others were fine. You’re doing a great job because you care xx #KCACOLS

    • / 12:55 pm

      I think it might be a boy thing, a few mum friends have said the same! Thank you so much :) x

  31. Jessica Powell
    / 3:59 am

    My daughter will take being cuddled for about three minutes, tops, before she starts thrashing about for you to go away again. I don’t have a second (perhaps yet) but loads of people I’ve talked to have said their’s was much clingier. Sometimes it would be quite nice just to have a long cuddle! :)

    • / 12:54 pm

      Oh you know that’s so right, it is LOVELY to have such long cuddles, I almost can’t believe my luck with it! x

  32. / 3:40 am

    This is a lovely post. Wouldn’t it be weird if both your children were the same?!My little boy loves cuddles too, not so much since he turned 2 but if he is tired I still get lovely cuddles. I am glad to hear daycare is going better now and don’t worry about the odd emotional meltdown – we all have them :) xx #KCACOLS

    • / 12:54 pm

      Thank you so much! x

  33. Maddy @ The Speed Bump
    / 2:40 am

    Beautiful post, it made me a little teary as I have literally spent just one year of my adult life not either pregnant or a mother, so sometimes it’s hard to know what my life is like without motherhood turning it upside down. Dropping my daughter off at nursery on her first day was horrendous for me, I sat in my lecture and sobbed for a bit – thankfully my friends all understood and were there to support me, but it was awful!


    • / 12:53 pm

      Oh thank you lovely! That daycare drop off can be so so hard :( x

  34. A Moment with Franca
    / 1:31 am

    This so true lovely!! We all change! I’m not the mum I used to be either!! Having more than one child is such a hard work!! I constantly feel the same way. And as you said, it is certainly not boring at all!! LOL Thank you so much for helping me this weekend with the linky!! :-) xxx

    • / 12:52 pm

      Thank you lady! x

  35. Lucy at occupation:(m)other
    / 1:06 am

    V interesting post. Motherhood has made me much more able to analyse myself and recognise my feelings and ways of being. Amazing how children can be so different and so demand different things from the parents. #KCACOLS

    • / 12:52 pm

      That is very true! x

  36. Laura's Lovely Blog
    / 12:13 am

    I can relate to this so, so much. When I was pregnant with my first I was never, ever going to give up work. Yep, there goes that. And my first – my son was I guess an easier child, my daughter turned everything on its head and at 17 months still doesn’t sleep through the night. I work from home and don’t do childcare, at present at least – but I am pretty sure I would bawl if I dropped my daughter off too #kcacols

    • / 12:51 pm

      Ah isn’t it funny how you change your mindset completely having sworn you would ‘never do’ something! x

  37. Pen
    / 11:32 pm

    this is a really honest and touching post. thank you. Motherhood turns your life upside down but at the same time it makes you realise who you really are. You evolve every day. I think motherhood is a journey, but it is one that I am glad I am on. x #KCACOLS

    • / 12:50 pm

      Oh thank you very much! x

  38. Talya
    / 11:28 pm

    I love this post – I’m definitely not the mum I used to be….forever changing – and that’s only on one! #KCACOLS

    • / 12:50 pm

      Ha yes, I’m coming round to the realisation that every day will be very VERY different to the last :) x

  39. / 9:49 pm

    I have two girls (2yrs 8mths) & 1yr and a bit and my second is also much more clingy and louder at crying! It must be a genetic thing that so that they can always get your attention!!
    It has surprised me how much becoming a parent has changed my life and me. It’s taken a while to adjust but I’m slowly getting some more time back for me and most of the time I love being a Mum. I wouldn’t change it. I was out for most of the day yesterday (v.rare) and missed my little tribe. It was lovely to come home to them.

    • / 12:49 pm

      I think you’re right – they need to find their way to get their piece of attention! x

  40. Mrs C
    / 8:55 pm

    This motherhood thing is a rollercoaster isn’t it? And the thing is we don’t just change the once or twice – it’s like we’re continually morphing with each step of the journey. Your zero tolerance policy to idiots made me laugh – I might have to adopt that one myself! #KCACOLS

    • / 12:48 pm

      Oh it really is a rollercoaster! x

  41. Charlotte
    / 8:12 pm

    Great post, we all have to change and grow and be better, thanks for sharing #KCACOLS

    • / 12:48 pm

      Thank you so much! x

  42. / 12:20 pm

    Considered the calculator, but resisted! Love this. It’s so true. My second is also clingier than my first. I wonder if it is their way of fighting for some time and attention just for them, which first children don’t need to do. #KCACOLS

    • / 12:48 pm

      Ha ha, I’m the grand old age of nearly 37!!!! x

  43. Ellie @ Hand Me Down Baby
    / 9:48 am

    That’s a lovely post, and I can completely relate as I have two little ones almost exactly the same age and personalities: Little Miss A is our strong-willed 2.5 year old (born 10 days early, albeit by induction). While Master J is our brand new 3 month old who loves snuggling and smiling.
    Being a second time mum is so different to first time around. I don’t know why I thought I’d have it figured out – even though I’ve done it before, it’s Master J’s first time at this!

    • / 12:47 pm

      Thanks Ellie! You make a very good point about it being the new baby’s first time! x

  44. Nadia - Scandimummy
    / 9:34 am

    Interesting read. I only have a boy, and we co-sleep as he likes cuddles a lot during the night, too. I have definitely changed as a person since becoming a mum, and I’m sure I would change even more if I had a second one at some point. #KCACOLS

    Nadia – ScandiMummy x

    • / 12:46 pm

      Thank you! And yes, I feel like the changes never stop now :)

  45. Rebecca U
    / 9:17 am

    Isn’t it funny how you think you have things sussed and then another child completely changes everything? My two are complete opposites and I’ve found it hard to be the mother they both need, whilst their demands are so different #KCACOLS

    • / 12:45 pm

      Ha ha I know – I really thought I knew EVERYTHING! x

  46. Beingmummyx
    / 6:22 pm

    I feel like I could of written this post myself. My eldest is independent always has been, happy to go to nursery, happy to go to family members, just me chilled and relaxed, not fussy. My youngest is the opposite. I really struggled the first 9 months maybe to adjust to as you said, being a different parent. It gets easier though. Xx

    • / 12:44 pm

      Oh thank you! That does make me feel better :) x

  47. Honest mum
    / 11:13 am

    Wonderfully honest and touching post, we are all evolving and changing and motherhood as with life can be challenging as much as it can be rewarding, you are a great mum and we can only do our best-but we must be kind to ourselves too xx

    • / 11:30 am

      Thanks so much Vicki for your lovely words, that’s so true – it’s very easy to get down on ourselves but we’re a work in progress for life I suppose x

  48. I don’t have daughters but my sons are very affectionate and cuddly, I think it might be a boy thing!

    • / 9:00 am

      I think you’re right – I was warned I might get a mummy’s boy – which is lovely of course! x

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I acknowledge the Traditional Custodians of the land I work and live on, the Awabakal peoples, and pay my respects to Elders past and present.
I thank them wholeheartedly and express my love and gratitude for the privilege to live and work in such a beautiful part of the world and for the opportunity for my family to be part of this vibrant and supportive community.